she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
