Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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