Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
