It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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