I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize