I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
