she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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