My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
only you would photoshop your dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
