I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
