You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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