I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
