I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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