need another drink. this is the easiest way
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
