His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
