Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
