Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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