I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
