they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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