did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
