im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
