My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
