Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
