if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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