accomplished twins. life is a go
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
