Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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