I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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