youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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