I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
