easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
