i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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