Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
