ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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