guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
