"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This is not my ceiling
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
