Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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