You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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