My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
