The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize