I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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