i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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