NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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