i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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