We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
