today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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