ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
