Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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