I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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