What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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