you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
