someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
