i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
