Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
