How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
