saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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