I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
