We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your dad touched me again.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
