The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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