ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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