my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
