whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
