why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
