your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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