If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
