quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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