There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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