It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
