You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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