I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
