So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
