I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize