Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
