just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
