Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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