Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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