worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
